When my youngest daughter was around 6 or 7 years old, she came home from school one day, visibly upset.
The apparent source of her outrage was the elderly crossing guard, from her elementary school.
How could a sweet, elderly crossing guard cause such drama in a first grader?
Seeing her level of justifiable anger, in her young mind, warranted further investigation.
"Why are you so upset, honey? What happened?", I asked. Apparently, this villainous crossing guard was stupid and didn't know what she was doing which caused my child to 'hate' said crossing guard.
Now, having been a crossing guard myself, at the ripe old age of 10, I knew there was some safety training involved to keep the children safe.
What could this crossing guard, have possibly done that was so wrong, to have my sweet 7 year old so upset? After all, she did arrive home alive and unhurt.
So, being the dogged investigator that I am, I pressed on. "Hate is a strong word honey, what did she do?"
"SHE TOLD ME TO HURRY UP!"
Hmmm, I still didn't see how hurry up could cause such feeling and emotion from a 7 year old, so I pressed on.
"What was wrong with that?", I asked. Her reply, "She's so stupid. The sign said SLOW CHILDREN, so I was going slow. She told me to hurry up. She doesn't know what she's doing!"
As cute as her misunderstanding of thinking that the sign "slow children", was meant for the children, the feelings that were unearthed in her, are similar to feelings that most of us feel when we feel unheard, unseen and unsafe.
When expectations aren't met, many people have feelings of anger and disappointment surface, that can lead to further misunderstandings, anger and disappointments.
It's important to recognize what we are really feeling and what expectation is not being met, that's contributing to that feeling.
For some folks, all they can feel is anger. But what's really happening is sadness over being disappointed or other feelings lying beneath the surface.
Becoming aware of what we are feeling and why, will open up the doors for more effective communication, understanding and ofttimes, compassion.
The next day I was able to walk my daughter to school to see the signage that caused such a great level of misunderstanding that had labeled the crossing guard incompetent, if you will.
I explained to my child that the sign was for the drivers in the cars to go slow because children were present, and the it's the job of the crossing guards to hurry the children across the street so that the people in the cars have a clear path to move forward.
It took some convincing, but she eventually got it. And, she hates when I tell that story.
There are so many lessons in life that we can learn from children. Assumptions, misunderstandings and the hate that they cause is a valuable lesson for today's experiences.
That's why I have a gift for you. I put together a list of "feeling words", that I know will help you get to the core of what you are really feeling when you are angry or disappointed or perhaps even judgmental.
If you would like me to send it to you, just reply to this email and tell me what your takeaway was from this crossing guard story and I'll email it back to you.
